Wednesday, 31 July 2013

Suicide Notes, Michael Thomas Ford


- Review by Cindi

4.5 out of 5 stars


Suicide Notes
Suicide Notes is told from the point of view of a fifteen-year-old boy. After finishing it, I went back and read other reviews and was quite surprised over what I found. There are a lot of comments about it being too juvenile or too teenage-like. It is supposed to be read that way as the entire story is told by Jeff, a fifteen-year-old boy who chronicles his time in a pediatric psychiatric ward after attempting suicide. It is told in the words of a fifteen-year-old and it is told from the mindset of a fifteen-year-old. If you are looking for something more 'adult' or that is not written in the words of a teenage boy, I suggest reading another book. The blurb clearly states what the book is about so do not go into it expecting more than what it says. While I don't normally post official blurbs in my reviews, I am in this case for the reasons I mentioned.



Blurb, taken from Goodreads: 
I'm not crazy.  I don't see what the big deal is about what happened. But apparently someone does think it's a big deal because here I am. I bet it was my mother. She always overreacts.
Fifteen-year-old Jeff wakes up on New Year's Day to find himself in the hospital. Make that the psychiatric ward. With the nutjobs. Clearly, this is all a huge mistake. Forget about the bandages on his wrists and the notes on his chart. Forget about his problems with his best friend, Allie, and her boyfriend, Burke. Jeff's perfectly fine, perfectly normal, not like the other kids in the hospital with him. Now they've got problems. But a funny thing happens as his forty-five-day sentence drags on -- the crazies start to seem less crazy.
Compelling, witty, and refreshingly real, Suicide Notes is a darkly humorous novel from award-winning author Michael Thomas Ford that examines the fuzzy lines between "normal' and the rest of us.  
Jeff is confined to a psychiatric ward for forty-five days after attempting suicide on New Year's Eve. Told in first person by Jeff, he chronicles his confinement with each new day. Initially there is denial and the typical attitude of a teenage boy who is convinced that he doesn't belong with the other 'crazies' as he describes them. But with each day Jeff starts to realize that maybe he is exactly where he needs to be after all. 

I know they're hoping I'll say something about why I did what I did. So for the record: I just felt like it.

"You can't keep me here against my will," I informed him. "In case you don't know, this is the land of the free. People have rights. I have the right to free speech, and to bear arms, and to not be locked up in a nuthouse!"
I knew what I was talking about. I mean, I've read the Constitution. In sixth grade, and I don't remember exactly what it said. But still.

My name is Jeff. I'm fifteen. I have a sister named Amanda who's thirteen, my parents are still married to each other, and all four of us live in a perfectly nice neighborhood in a perfectly nice city that's exactly like a billion other cities. My parents have never beaten us, I've never been molested by a priest, I don't hate the other kids at my school any more than is normal for a kid my age, I don't listen to death metal, have an obsession with violent video games, or cut the heads off small animals for fun.
That's pretty much everything I told Cat Poop in our session today.

There is an interesting set of secondary characters who Jeff comes in contact with while in the hospital. There is his psychiatrist Dr. Katzrupus (aka Cat Poop to Jeff), Nurse Goody (Nurse Goody. Can you believe that? Her name is actually Nurse Goody. And she is, too. Good, I mean. She's always smiling and asking me if she can get me anything. I bet Nurse Goody is standing outside the door selling tickets, like those guys at carnivals who try to get people to pay to see the freak show), Nurse Moon (One of the night nurses, whose name I think is Nurse Moon... okay, maybe not, but I don't know her real name), Carl (a night security guard), as well as others.  The most interesting are the other patients. There is Alice whose problems are quite severe and who has a flair for the dramatic. Bone is a mystery as his problems aren't made known. There is Juliet, who is convinced she is in a relationship with Bone, though Bone says otherwise. There is Martha who is very quiet but has her reasons for being so. There is Sadie who wants everyone to believe she is this strong person but who in reality is suffering worse than she lets on. There is Rankin, a high school jock who feels that the world should revolve around him. Rankin plays a huge part in Jeff's story and not necessarily in a good way. Good or bad, Rankin forces Jeff to accept some things that he would have preferred not to. There are other patients but none as significant to the book as those I mentioned.

Then we get to Marjorie and Eric, Jeff's parents. Jeff also has a younger sister, Amanda. Jeff's parents are good people but they could never possibly understand what goes on inside the mind of their fifteen-year-old son. They love him. They support him.  They are proud of him. But they are not overly affectionate and each has a difficult time showing their love, though Jeff knows beyond doubt that it is there.  Amanda is the perfect little sister. She is not in the book much but when she is, I found myself smiling. Anyone would be lucky to have Amanda as a sister. 

"Jeff, is there anything you would like to say to your parents?" Cat Poop said when we'd all been quiet for what seemed like years.
Is there anything I'd like to say to them? I thought. Yeah, there was. Why didn't you just let me die? for starters. Why'd you have to come home early from your stupid party? Why'd you have to put me in this place with a bunch of whack-jobs?

There is a lot of dark humor in this book and I know that sounds odd considering the subject matter. I found myself laughing at Jeff's attitude and actions on more than one occasion. His daily visits with Doctor Katzrupus gave me an entirely new appreciation for every therapist who has ever treated teenagers.  Jeff does not make things easy with 'Cat Poop' but the good doctor is extremely patient and is able to see right through Jeff. I found myself saying "Yes!" each time the doctor got under Jeff's skin and forced him to face his issues.

"I don't belong here," I informed Cat Poop, thinking this just hadn't occurred to him. "These people are seriously demented. It's not good for me to be around them. I might catch something."

"I did it because . . ." I hesitated, blinking and sniffling a little, like I might start to cry at any second. "I did it because . . . because I couldn't stand to live in the same world as Paris Hilton."

All is not humorous, however, as it deals with a very serious subject. Parts are heartbreaking and Jeff must find a way to face the issues that brought him to the hospital in the first place. He fights the doctor every step of the way.

"There is no reason," I said. I was getting angry because he wasn't listening to me. "I just did it. I'm a teenager. We get bored and do stupid stuff. Now I'm over it and I want to go home."

The reader is not made aware of the reasons for Jeff's suicide attempt until long into the book but by this time, it's pretty much figured out anyway.  Perhaps not the entire story, but the gist of it. This is another thing that I read in other reviews of this story. Some people felt let down when Jeff finally confessed why he did what he did because it was supposedly too predictable.  I did not. I felt that the reveal was written beautifully and that everything that came before it was necessary for his healing. 

Suicide Notes delves into a very serious subject, a subject that unfortunately is all too prevalent in the world today. Each day it seems like I am reading something online about yet another teenager who has committed suicide because of their sexual orientation. While this book is about Jeff, it is also about other teens who feel that they are also at the end of their rope for various reasons. My heart breaks knowing that people get to this point. In Jeff's case, it was because of his sexuality. In Sadie's and others, it was about other issues.  I applaud the author for taking a serious subject and spotlighting it. I am just sad that it is necessary.

Overall, I really enjoyed this book. I laughed a lot and I have to say I got teary a couple of times as well. While Jeff's story is sometimes told in a humorous way, the author still makes it very clear that the teen is dealing with very serious emotional issues.  I only had one problem with the book and this is why my rating is 4.5 instead of a full 5 stars. While the book is told exactly in the way in which it should have been told, I would have liked to have seen an epilogue giving the reader information of what happened later. There are a few things left unresolved (in my opinion) and I was hoping to see that explained.  Otherwise, an outstanding book and highly recommended.  There is a bit of language and sex talk and a few sexual situations that some might find disturbing.  Also, some things happen with Sadie and with Rankin (in separate instances) that may put some off. Keep that in mind before reading.


For more information about suicide prevention, visit The Trevor Project. Taken from the official website: The leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning youth.

Saturday, 27 July 2013

The 7th of London, Beau Schemery

- Review by Trisha

3.5 out of 5 stars


The 7th of London is a beautifully written Steampunk, YA novel. It was my very first Steampunk novel, as well as my first by the author, Beau Schemery. I was captivated by the writing and the world building in this book. The author definitely has a natural talent for the genre as well as writing. 
The 7th of London

I want to start by saying that I adored the fact that Seven was of Irish decent. Even though this is a historical novel, some of the words used are still used today in Ireland. I am always looking to read books in the mm genre with characters from Ireland. The dialogue was also very good when you consider the accents, even when it was a bit stiff.

The story is based in London, England in the 1800’s. Seven, the main character, is an orphan. His family died tragically in separate incidents that Seven witnessed. The book starts off relatively slowly. It builds gradually but then the pace of the story speeds up, allowing the reader to get drawn into the story. I’m one of the unfortunate few as I got lost at different points of the story, which hindered my enjoyment. But the writing was good enough to keep me reading.

The story in general is told from Seven’s POV. But sometimes we get Silas or another character. When the switches happened, I was able to follow that part easily. I knew when it happened and felt that it all flowed well throughout. Unfortunately, I was not able to keep up with the overall plot. I found myself rereading scenes and trying to figure out what was going on. I loved the names, though sometimes I felt that there were too many of them in one scene. I appreciate a large number of characters, but sometimes I like it when there are less introduced at one time. The names and nicknames of the characters being used sometimes made me stop for a minute.  Kettlebent, aka. Silas was the easiest for me to remember for some reason.

I enjoyed watching Seven and Silas’ relationship development. It felt natural and it really was a great part of the story. Both boys could be so shy, and at the same time so sure. There was a slight bit of jealousy on Silas’ part. I love a good couple in a book and these two were the right amount of sweet for me to enjoy this story. They take a while to get together, but there is always a little something there.

There was a degree of violence in this book. It worked well with the story and the characters, Midnight and Seven especially. The fight scenes at the end were well written, with just the right knowledge on the authors behalf to keep it all YA, which is something that can cause issues. The blurb tells the main plot, which indicates that fight scenes could happen. So, if anyone has issues with any level of violence they should stay away from this book because it is kind of hinted at in the blurb.

This book is angsty. In fact it has a lot of death inside. Seven didn’t seem to have a whole lot of luck and normally that wouldn’t bother me. In The 7th of London, however, I didn’t really feel as much of the emotion. There was a scene in which Seven and Silas were talking about Seven’s past and his life after his parents were killed, in which I felt all the emotion I would have liked to have felt in the rest of the book. It just felt like a lot of drama and not enough of emotion. I did enjoy a few of those scenes and maybe had it been less depressing I would have enjoyed it more.

I liked Midnight, aka. Jonathan or Jack. See what I mean about the names? His character was particularly surprising. He was known as a criminal but I didn’t really see it. He just appeared, to me anyway, to be a character who wanted to right all the wrongs. In a sense, it was like he and Seven were alike in that regard. Seven wanted revenge for what happened to his siblings.

There is a HEA in this book, and it was well earned. After all the loss in his life, Seven actually had someone left at the end. I admit it brought my overall rating up a little bit. Had the ending not been as lovely as it was, I would have had a major issue rating this book anything higher than a two, and I hate giving low ratings. As a lot of others have said, I don’t want to ruin the things that happen. But I felt the need to point out some of the things I really did love or like.


Overall, the 7th of London is a very good Steampunk novel. For fans of Steampunk I think this will be a great hit. But for people like me, it could be a hit and miss. My rating is 3.5 stars, rounded up because although this was not for me, I did enjoy the writing and the MC’s relationship.

This book was provided by Harmony Ink Press in exchange for a fair and honest review.

Friday, 26 July 2013

Deep in the Count (Love Has No Boundaries), Madison Parker

- Review by Cindi

5 out of 5 stars



Deep in the Count
My luck with YA/NA books with jocks and nerds hasn't always been that great. For some reason when I pick one up they are always the same story: The jock is in the closet and falls in love with the nerd. The nerd is either hesitant to date the jock or is too clingy. The jock ends up hurting the nerd because someone discovered the jock's love for men and his reputation is on the verge of being in tatters.

Deep In the Count?  Not even close to the others I've read. 

Brandon is a star baseball player at Virginia Tech University. He's openly gay and has no problem with people knowing.  He is a popular pitcher and never lacks for friends. Brandon is out and he's totally not ashamed of who he is or the fact that he is attracted to men. The girls want to date him anyway. The guys want to be him or at least spend time with him. His jock boy reputation is just fine, thank you very much, gay or no.

His best friend Jack is very straight but accepts him for who he is.  Jack is the stereotypical jock. His roommate, Corey, is the complete opposite of him and the dorm room proves this. Jack's side is a disaster. Corey's is perfectly organized with nothing out of place. During a visit to Jack's room Brandon discovers that Jack's roommate is gay. Corey isn't there at the time but that gets Brandon thinking. Corey is a nerd and Brandon has always had a thing for the smarter guys. 

"Is he cute?"
"Really? You're asking me if he's cute? This conversation is getting way too gay."
"Well, he ain't Zac Efron.  He wears glasses.  And he's always playing with one of those Rubik's cubes.  He's like, off-the-charts not cool."
"I bet he's really smart, though."
"He's a freaking brainiac, and I'm sure he thinks we're a couple of dumbass jocks. Guys like him don't hang out with guys like us."
.. Brandon sighed. "Yeah. You're probably right."

A few days later Brandon is having problems in a math class so he goes to the tutoring center. If he didn't pass his math class, he'd be at risk of being placed on academic probation, which could cost him his scholarship.  Without baseball, what the hell was he going to do with himself? There he finally gets to meet the elusive Corey. It doesn't take long before Brandon is letting Corey know that he's interested in more than just tutoring but Corey is hesitant. Corey has his entire life planned out and he has no desire... or time... to get involved in any type of relationship much less with a jock who has yet to decide what he wants to do in the future. This kind of starts a back and forth that turned sexy quick. Corey's way of 'teaching' Brandon the math he needs is cute and it's sexy though Corey doesn't so much as allow a kiss. But Brandon has a plan that will speak to Corey's nerd side and I have to say it was one of the most unique ways of 'wooing' someone I've ever read.

I fell in love with these guys immediately. It is refreshing to see a jock written in a book that is not trying to hide who he is. Brandon knew what (and who) he wanted and he set out to win the man of his dreams. Corey is not your stereotypical nerd either.  Oh sure, he's a smart guy and he focuses a lot on his studies but he knows (eventually) that he wants Brandon and when Brandon starts trying to win him with something dear to his heart he knows he's sunk.

I'm a total baseball freak so this short was right up my alley. Not only is it about baseball but the author uses baseball terms to help Brandon with his tutoring. There's even a glossary of baseball terms at the end of the book.  And here I thought I knew all there was to know about baseball. I just learned new terms that I didn't even know existed.  I won't dare say which ones were new to me as I'd never hear the end of it from my baseball-lovin' sons. Ah, but not all is great. Brandon is a Boston Red Sox fan (this reviewer is a huge New York Yankees fan, as in obsessed New York Yankees fan.  For those who follow MLB you know the two most definitely do not go together).  I was able to overlook that as it was only mentioned once. :D

There is a great set of secondary characters from Jack to Corey's bestie, Samantha (who lives 1,000 miles away and communicates with Corey via text or Skype). 

The way that Brandon gets Corey to rethink his 'anti-dating' stance is via messages left for him in code.  Corey is studying cryptology so this is the perfect way to be won over. The last message is left for the reader to decipher. The author gives hints and even a website to go to for help or to just solve the code. I'm ADHD so I admit to cheating and using the site to decipher the final message though looking at it now I could have easily figured it out without any help. This is yet another unique part of this story.

I fell in love with this author's writing style when I read another short of hers a few months back. I quickly became a fan and have since read her others. I would have a difficult time picking a favorite but Deep in the Count is up there.  It's funny.  It's sexy. It's really, really cute.  Highly recommended.

Overall, a great short. I loved all the characters and I found the story to be unique. I love how the author made each character 'out' so the story focused on getting the men together, not the trials of being in a relationship with one or both in the closet.  Another great read by Madison Parker.



This was written as a part of the Goodreads M/M Romance Group's "Love Has No Boundaries" event.  




This short story was reviewed for this blog at the request of the author.

Saturday, 20 July 2013

My Life as a Myth, Huston Piner




 
 

If you're not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.

-Oscar Wilde

 
-Review by Kazza K
 


My Life as a Myth by Huston PinerIt's August 27th, 1969. And it's Nick Horton's first day of high school. He feels like a text book case of a loser. He doesn't have many friends and school is not a joy. He's certainly not overly confident and feels somewhat like an outcast -

A social life? I don't have one; the few acquaintances I have don't really count. If I vanished out of their lives, they'd never notice. My only real friend is Bruce Philemon, he says I just need to try harder. So to help me try harder, I'm starting this journal.

And that is exactly what Nick does. He starts a journal and that is how this book is told.

While Nick is waiting for the bus home, Andy Framingham decides to chat up a girl.When the girl's older and larger boyfriend is going to show him just how he feels about that, Andy throws a can of coke down on the pavement spraying everyone with the contents -

Just as they prepared to kill Andy and hide the corpse, Mr Wiggins, the elementary school principal came running from the building. He yanked Andy out of harm's way and announced he would report everyone to the high school principal.
"Horton? I remember you, still making trouble, eh? Well, this time Mr Fuddle will see you pay for it."

This starts off a series of events in Nick's life. Nick really isn't trouble. He just wants to go to school, not get beaten up, not be embarrassed in PE -

The way some of them show off makes me very nervous. Talk about embarrassing! You'd think "faggot" was my name! Today I just tried to keep my head down, change fast, and get out of there.

...and the change rooms, have some friends and a bit of a social life, ride the bus in peace, get a locker in a better location - not on Dead Student's Row, as he names it - and go home every day without much drama. But the list that Mr Wiggins gives the principal at his high school has his name at the top for the coke-can-fountain incident, not Andy Framingham. Then a few other events occur where Nick is the one seen to be doing something he shouldn't. But the real bombshell occurs when Nick mixes up the name of the film he is to meet Bruce at, and ends up in a theatre watching Fellini's Satryicon. The film is a bit of a revelation, so much so it is raided by the police, he is taken out like a criminal, photos are taken, he makes the news and the front paper of the local paper. Nick is suddenly a rebel.

Meanwhile, Nick has come to the attention of Jesse Gaston and his gang - Gary, Matt, and Bobby Warren. Jesse is an interesting character who seems to get intense delight in taking Nick under his wing and talking up his bad boy persona. When Nick jokes that he is Napalm Nick Jesse runs with that name. Napalm Nick is a good rebel's name, something he can work with. And work with it Jesse does. Jesse is the ultimate school spin-doctor -

Every time I attempted to reveal the truth about how I ended up at a movie destined to be raided, Jesse always jumped in to enlarge on my magnificence, my audacity, and my criminal invincibility.

I've come to realize that it is useless to argue with Jesse Gaston. When he decides to do something he can come up with a hundred reasons to convince you to go along.

And very soon Nick becomes cool. Rumours spread, aided by Jesse. The girls all want to be with him, guys want to be seen with him, and his social life has never looked better. The thing is, Nick is not Napalm Nick, he's just a fourteen year old trying to find his way and discovering bit by bit that he isn't attracted to girls. He is, however, attracted to guys and in particular he's attracted to Bobby Warren.

Nick comes from a fairly typical suburban family of the era - his mum stays at home, his dad works, there are rules, but a certain amount of freedom. And, oh yes, he has two older brothers, Nathan who died in Vietnam after being drafted, and Raymond who has disappointed the family by growing his hair, and dropping out to live in a commune - very sixties. Neither name is allowed to be spoken in the household for the last three years for different reasons. Pretty hard on a young boy who just wants to talk about his brothers. But, once again, fairly typical of many families of any era, just change the war.

Increasingly, Nick is realising that girls just aren't who/what he finds attractive. He tries everything to see if he can be like other guys who talk about girls. Who like Playboy. But perplexingly (at first) he's not. He also isn't enjoying being Napalm Nick. It's not who he is either, but it's better than being a loser...and there are perks. Plus there's a protection in the group and he cant bring too much attention on himself for other reasons - 

Damn it! The truth is maybe I do sort of like guys. I just don't know. But I can't let Jesse and the guys think I'm a fag. Okay. I'll be Napalm Nick for a month or two longer. Maybe after things die down I can move on and be a normal teenager again. That's not too much to ask, is it?

But Jesse continues to weave his magic and the rumour mill just chugs along. Nick also makes a friend with a senior, Brian. Brian is a popular jock but he likes Bobby and is rather mellow and very much full of live and let live philosophy. There was definitely more of a story to Brian and I would like to know more about him. Meanwhile, Nick and Bobby are growing closer and closer. Nick gets to stay over at Bobby's. He lives in the FROG - front room over garage - and his parents are former beatniks who are liberal in their thinking. Nick and Bobby discover a lot of things together, their likes are similar,  they are both sweet, young boys, they are gay, they grow close as friends and fairly soon they are intimate with each other. The author does a good job of displaying teenagers - their language, their fears, their worries, their intensity of feelings. After Nick wakes up naked next to Bobby the first time -

I dried my hair with the damp towel. Bobby had rolled over and snored quietly, now clutching a pillow. I finished dressing and watched him sleep for a minute, taking in how perfect he was from head to toe. My God, he's beautiful, I thought, and I felt myself stiffen. It took me a couple of minutes to tear myself away from just admiring him.
There are some things you just know you'll remember all your life and I knew right then that even when I'm a hundred, remembering him sleeping like that will bring out the same feelings in me.

To later when they are intimate -

Then something in me snapped, and all my frustrations transformed into desire. When we got to my room, I closed and locked the door behind me. I put my hand on Bobby's shoulder, turned him around, took him in my arms, and kissed him. His eyes told me it was unexpected but welcome, and we fell onto the bed.
I felt him up and loosened his shirt and trousers. He stiffened as I ran my fingers through his hair. He moaned softly and at that moment, I don't think I could have stopped myself it I tried.
Right now Bobby's sleeping next to me. He's beautiful when he sleeps. I can't believe how much I love him. It's not just the physical stimulation I get from him. It makes me just as happy to do things for him as when he does things to me. It's even enough just to be with him, like now, and to know that he loves me as much as I love him.

And the two boys do fall very much in love. But life is not easy. Napalm Nick is a lot to live up to. Jesse complicates this immeasurably and everywhere Nick turns there is pressure - girls he isn't interested in wanting more, being gay but having to hide it, being a rebel that he isn't. A new series of events as someone is blowing up trashcans at school and one of the teachers is now tailing him everywhere he goes as they believe Napalm Nick is the person behind it.

Then there are family matters ready to take centre stage in Nick's life. His brother - Raymond - comes home unexpectedly for Christmas. He hitch hikes from San Francisco and while their mother is glad to see him, their father isn't. But Raymond stays and cleans himself up - a shave, a hair cut - and even his father is feeling better about Raymond now. Nick is glad to have his brother home and he feels that Christmas is better for having him there. There is much to learn about one another in a short time - like Nick is now smoking pot, cigarettes, drinking beer, and taking magic mushies -

He and I snuck off to get high before supper. This time he provided the weed....He called the marijuana Acapulco Gold, whatever it is, it's damn potent. When we got home and wandered into the kitchen, both smiling from ear to ear and giggling, my mother cracked us up saying how nice it was to see her "two little boys" having so much fun together.

 But Raymond has a secret and when it is revealed things will never be the same in the Horton family again.

I won't say anymore about the plot because I will ruin the book and it is best read. What I will add is this. Every chapter is headed up with a song title of the period that is incredibly apt. The last two chapters were beautifully named. Perhaps some people may feel unsure about the use of drugs or alcohol by minors, but this is what was happening at the time. Still does now. It isn't glorified, it's just part of the times and the story. Did every kid experiment in the 60's? No. But a lot did. The 60's was a crazy era of change mixed with a lingering conservatism. I lived during this era, was around the same age as the characters and I did all of these things...and then some. The music listed - I had every single one - bar the jazz - on vinyl. The attitudes that are portrayed were so real. The culture. But
here's the thing, this book translates well to today. There is still the group mentality, the homophobia. How difficult it is to be an outcast at school. How the word "faggot" is more than just a name. How friends can turn on you and the hurt that is associated. The fracturing of a family. The mistakes parent's make, and the repercussions. There are some real messages that are not lost between 1969 and 2013.

My Life as a Myth is one of the most realistic LGBTQ YA books that has crossed my desk and I encourage anyone who may be remotely interested to read this book. I am so glad I did. I will also add this -  there is no HEA. I say this because some people will rate badly if that is the case and they are not aware of it. So, I'm throwing that out there as much as I don't want to have to say that.

If you like a period piece. If you are interested in the 60's. If you like LGBTQ YA, if you like humour, a message, young love, and can handle a bittersweet piece of fiction that is firmly rooted in reality, then please do yourself a favour and read the beautifully written, wonderfully named My Life as a Myth.

5 Stars

It may be hard to be true to yourself, especially if you're different and people hate you for it; but it's still harder living your life as a myth. It's a lie and in the end it's self-defeating. In the long run, it's better to let people know the real you. It may be hard, but it's a lot less complicated, and at least you find out who your real friends are.
If you love someone, go on and tell them. If they can't love you just because you're different, you're better off without them. And when you find someone who loves you too, don't let anybody or anything stand in your way.
 
- Bobby Warren.